I sang out to The Lord my God “you don’t give your heart in pieces” and felt alone. The words had popped into my head, and were part of a song I hadn’t listened to in a long time (Pieces by Bethel). With a sigh I decided to listen to music (if you heard my singing voice you’d understand why), so I pressed down the home button on my phone and said “Shuffle Worship Playlist.”
For a fleeting moment, I pleaded “If you are really there, God, play that song.” Immediately I rebuked myself and laughed at my silliness, reminded of the scripture that says do not put the Lord your God to the test.
The first notes of the random song Siri picked began to play, and I looked down in disbelief. Through the speaker the words sang out:
Your love is wild, your love is wild for me.
Your love is proud to be seen with me.
You don’t give your heart in pieces
You don’t hide yourself to tease us.”
To be totally honest, I fell to my knees and bawled my eyes out.
Earlier that morning I had met with the Lord and felt the weight of my worries and sorrows and dashed hopes pressing in on me. I was reading scripture I had written to myself on a hand painted card, and marveled at the tears splashed on the words. The salt of my sorrow when I had written God’s promises out to my bleeding heart were still there:
“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:35,37-39 ESV)
My circumstances had not changed since tears dripped on that scripture as I wrote it out. I was still preaching the same worn out sermon of promises to myself, even when I didn’t “feel” God behind it. That morning as I read through those verses and saw my long dried tears, my heart callused a bit.
The miracle of that song being RANDOMLY played was a grace wider than any imagined chasm I could ever feel between my God and I. It was the reminder from God that He truly does hear our prayers. He truly is in communion with us. God cares. He sees our tears. His love is not disengaged.
Suddenly the prayers that I had imagined sitting out in space being ignored looked different to me. They appeared as they really are: Part of a conversation between a child and her Father. Sharing deepest wants and needs, and the Father hearing and responding and caring.
God didn’t take away my pain that morning. He didn’t change my circumstances. But in the most tangible, real way I have ever experienced, He reminded me that His promises stand true. And they do not waver based on how I feel or my circumstances. God reminded me that I can “boast all the more Gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” And that is simply the highest form of healing and redemption and answer to prayer there is.
God doesn’t give His heart in pieces.
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