• Karissa

Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace

This post is all my husband’s doing. Well, he didn’t write it, but it is two pieces of wisdom from him that have impacted our marriage a lot. I think that wives everywhere need to hear this, just like I did. Here’s what he said:

When I come home, I want to feel like you are happy to see me.

I had gotten into a habit of saying “Hi Honey”, and then continuing to cook dinner or change the diaper or whatever when my husband walked through the door. I am so glad Colin told me how he felt, because I started to pay more attention to my response when he came home. And I was embarrassed!

I realized how hurt I would be if I was in his shoes. So now, when he comes through the door, I let him know we are so happy he is home (although still NOT perfect at this). I smile, make eye contact, give him a hug, and tell him how happy I am to see him.

I hate it when you don’t talk kindly about yourself.

Colin told me this rather strongly. He explained how he views me (beautiful, loved), and that when I make side comments about myself I am basically calling him a liar. What really hit me is when Colin told me that I am teaching Caroline. When I say “this outfit looks terrible on me”, or “I hate my hair” or whatever, I am not only demonstrating to Caroline that outside appearance is more important than it actually is, but I am teaching her a pattern of disliking her body.

These two requests have changed me, a lot. I am working on them every day, but I am so glad my husband decided to speak up.

I also think it would be nice if “speak now or forever hold your peace” didn’t apply to our marriages. It’s like we get stuck in a pattern of resenting certain aspects of our spouse, instead of speaking up.

Wives, ask your husbands how you can help your marriage flourish with your words.  You may just be surprised by the answer.